Dang doctors

 As you might’ve known, I have had a bad day where I remember when I freaked out about some people winning bingo other than myself. That being said, that was not my highlight of my life. So I don’t wanna talk about this because this thing that I did this complete shit show I did it was a complete thing that caused me to have a really severe nightmare to the point where I always soaking sweat through and through and I was actually shivering because I was so wet from the it felt like I was taking a shower in the PJs and subsequently sweating out the bed as well, which is not exactly my good cup of tea. That being said, this was triggered because my friend end up getting the bingo and a couple of other people were at the Bingos and they were not named Elena Melanson so that was not my exact flying high fluting a highlight of my life. Let’s put it that way, but it was off, something on my life so I may as well mention it and caused me to have such a god-awful nightmare from what I remember it was about a a memory. I had that I kinda didn’t wanna remember a memory, I’d like don’t forget if you were to call if that that was when I was younger, to fully understand the whole fuck up about the dream or not so much about the bingo that was the triggering factor, but there was some memories a cause of this fuck up of a dream!

When I was younger, and this is what more or less prompted me to do, tae kwon do and karate would be the idea that and this is no joke, I said in my shitty behaviour I remember the county medical examiner, chasing me with a scalpel trying to cut me open and I ran around the whole fucking town Screaming and yelling, and running, as if I was a quarterback. It was kind of interesting but I was not exactly my type of interesting as I could’ve been dead, and killed or worse, tortured or whatever serial killers do. That was on my exact cup of tea, so I had to go in a martial arts at that time afterwords because I was so God awful . I remember that I had a dream about this the night before where I was gonna chase around a deranged medicalexaminer, and I was not going to be exactly a happy person dying. In the dream I knew I was dying, but in real life I was going to flip the  script!    And this was stemming mostly from the memory if I remember correctly also, I remember the fact that I am part wincey bit part Jewish and knows the Ukrainian Jewish also I do not like doctors because of the fact that I’m a Wincey Bich US as well, and I despise doctors with a Fuckin passion. Yes, I fucking hate doctors for who I am because I am part Asian partway, including US, as well as I was part, Arabic, part, Persian and part, so thank your name, and the Himalayan empire as well particular is a tibetan empire. That being said, I really despise doctors I was built to hate doctors unfortunately, that is my exact reasoning because of what happened in the holocaust. And I still have this fucking dream about being autopsy to live, which is not my fucking favourite thing to do in the daytime nor the night time!

When I realize that I was also starting to hate doctors, because not of my internal influence, but also through an external influence, I was watching the reanimator, and I was watching The X-Files at such an early age, which I would say, is a no go zone if you care about your mental health one year a young teenager or a tween, you’re not to be watching horror, movies and creepy shit like that that involves doctors in less you really want to be foaming at the mouth the next time you see your darker. Having said it wasn’t exactly to my liking if I remember correctly being afraid of doctors being creeped out by them not just because of my internal influences, my DNA, but also because of the fact that I fucking hate them because I think they should be Halloween decorations…….. yes, I just said that!

Who are you going to thank?

Dr. M, 

I would say his full name, but I would trigger some of my readers into a hissy fit, or even worse if they heard who the M stands for, so that being said, I just said doctor I am, we can all imagine who he is the angel of death, he was a freaking shithead! He was no angel at all. He was more of a devil, and that being said, you can thank him for tearing down the medical profession, as I despise medical professionals now because of hearing about his Ret*arded experiments that pissed me off so much to hear about! They were supposed to be a like Halloweenish or Frankenstein like experiments, and they were beyond that they were like so iMovie experiments, so that being shared the fact that I was hearing about this in great detail, when I was a grade 10 didn’t really help my chances of having this fucked up dream about a doctor chasing me with a scale bowl and a needle full of God knows what probably succinylcholine!

That was last night stream, so I’m not even gonna bother green ones that dream anymore but it was her lesson learned when I woke up smelling and soaked in sweat that I should not be going around being a complete bitch to people especially in public that being sad I learned a Fuckin lesson that I hope I never have to learn again which was not to be a bitch or humiliator in public!   This is the second time in my life I had to remember that lesson this time I at least think it’s dark in my head thank god because it one god-awful nightmare. I had that last me in the night sweat that I still didn’t think was going on unless I’m having hot flashes. It had to be the fucking nightmare and it was a fucking nightmare!

Nightmareland

Can I be paid for having nightmares 

Cause I am sick of this!!!!

 I ended up having another nightmare again. It wasn’t exactly the best thing for me, but it was what it was I don’t know exactly what was the evil presence this time, but I think it was mostly a poltergeist than anything else. That being said, it was kind of frightening to see the poltergeist come out of nowhere from being invisible to being seen right away what is frightening for me and I just didn’t really enjoy the idea of a five nights at Freddy’s was coming out me kind of thing scaring the living shit out of me. If you were to say that and I was screwed over meaning I was about to die but then I woke up and slam my fist against my goddamn iPad nearly breaking out thank God not, this is basically my night I had to it was a good night sleep but I wish it was just a dream that was a little bit easier on my nerves. It probably has to do with what I’ve been watching on YouTube. Or something else for five nights at Freddy’s it gotta go  let’s just say I’m a little obsessed with five nights at Freddy’s because it’s kind of interesting but now it’s kind of like no thank you I don’t wanna deal with you anymore. 

The fact is that I took a coffee in the morning, more or less, really helping matters with the situation as I was trying to avoid coffee but my friend offered me some, so how am I supposed to be fucked in Road? Also, I am supposed to be saving my money for other things after my tattoo there is talk of more coffee and I just can’t handle the coffee at this point in time because this is kind of hitting up my life right now as far as my sleep life is concerned. I mean I don’t know what the fuck is going on that’s causing me to have these nightmares I’d like to know I know that I’m going to a psychiatrist for my PTSD medication and that’ll be the end of that story after that but I’d like to know what the fuck is going on why am I having his goddamn nightmares last night for example, I think I must’ve bought myself in the nose because I had you guessed it a little bit of a nightmare. I couldn’t remember exactly the nightmare, but my nose does because I bought myself in the nose and I had a little bit of a bleed, so you can just imagine that I was going around fucking around with saline solution for quite some time. 

This is an exactly my ideal thing that I have these outburst of nightmares and stuff because of the exact time of year this is the time where the veil thins for three days or so, and then thickens up again and available tween this world and the world where my mother is in the spirit world and I guess there’s not a friendly spiritual online today because it’s kind of fucking me up and it’s really aggravating me.    Basically the spirit realm is like Facebook or lose any of your any ofBasically the spirit realm is like Facebook or like any of your favourite social medias if you want you can look up your favourite spirit. Where are you end up looking at? Just like you would look up a friend but be careful. Want to do that. When you’re looking out for your favourite spirit you’re going to end up having some demons that have the same name just like he would find a hacker, scammers and pornographers on your social media trying to cause the cells are your friends it’s kind of ridiculous to be honest with you, but that’s exactly what the spirit realm is like it’s like you have to be savvy with it, just like you have to be savvy with facebookn or spacehey, or off-line or anything for that matter! It is kind of scary that you’re dealing with some spirits that you don’t want to really deal with for the rest of the year and I don’t blame myself for that. I don’t know what triggered the poltergeist and the other bulbs in the night was kind of pissing me off if you ask me.

I am pretty damn sure it’s a Fuckin coffee because I can’t see myself not having one of these when I’m not having coffee and the only thing that really avoiding this is the idea that I’m trying to avoid coffee every time I have had coffee and felt like I was playing with the oh cold and not exactly my idea to wake up in the upright position ready to fly, screaming and yelling and saying oh fuck it’s just a dream.   And they set an alarm over this goddamn man from over this goddamn Halloween right now because of the spirits in the spirit world are trying to get an answer with them, or not to exactly pleasant to deal with. I would rather just not deal with them.

FBI dream ( good)

  I had a good nights sleep for once. This time I am not drinking anymore coffee if I can help it but anyways, this is what the dream was about me joining the FBI, which was finally a good thing to have. How are you wanted to join the FBI but anyways this is worth a dream was about and I was going through the training and stuff, it was quite interesting. I soon as you’re able to make a program for underprivileged used to join the FBI, which was something that I would’ve wanted to do and I’ve been 14 years old at the time but anyways it was for people like me who were 18 and under and wanted to join the FBI so that was very interesting to see that dream come to life in another dream. 

It was very interesting how I was able to sleep without any coffee or nightmares last night. I do not have one neighbor, or several good long dream, which was pretty good in my opinion, and I was able to listen to my music. The music was Voulez-Vous by ABBA, which was a good song to listen to any asleep, but I think I don’t listen to the new age stuff when I sleep, but that beside the point anyways the dream as well in detail. I remember seeing him my cell phone and an FBI jacket and being dressed out nicely. I know that for a fact. I did not really have any problems with a dream. I did wake up at 2 o’clock in the morning and then I fell asleep back into the dream.     

That being said, there was no demons or devils in the dream. Finally, thank God for that. I think it was mostly the coffee that was causing that crap in the first place so I’m just avoiding the car see if I can help it if someone gives me a coffee, I might have to drink it just to be polite but that’s beside the point I’m very happy that I had a very good night sleep it felt good and now I feel like I just got out of surgery where I just am groggy and want to go back to sleep how do I know this for a fact is because I was able to feel that what I want for an endoscopy as well as a wisdom tooth extraction one time and I just both times I wanted to sleep and normals told the nurses to buzz off that being said this is the same deal except I didn’t have to tell anyone a buzz off except my brain, I want to sleep longer. It is very interesting house. Sleep can be very addicting. It’s the point where you need to sleep in when you have a real good sleep. I can’t really say very much about the dream but I remember that it was as if North America was the new Romania at the time which was a communist country and kids were going into the FBI. And I was the one that was running the program to to help them join so they could be FBI agents were they were adults. It was a lot better situation in the dream that I was in Romania when I was a younger kid. At least in the North America, there was no bull crap going on the cause you problems, and my problem is I mean PTSD I think this part of the world has a standard then they have to hold up where they cannot cause PTSD to their citizens. Where is it in Romania it was a completely different shit show. There’s dream is there an alternate version of my life where I was able to do what I want in my life. And I actually was able to help people. I was actually want to say that this was actually a pretty better dream that I have had. Usually he’s kind of dreams. Don’t come very often but I do like he’s kind of dreams are enjoying the fbi and stop people from terrorizing other people whether it be a serial killer or otherwise I find this is my way of helping the world. But instead now I just write to help other people in the world. Anyways, the dream was very pleasant to have. As it was something I would’ve wanted to have when I was 14 years old that stream being in the FBI Academy, and then to help other kids get on their feet and be able to help them achieve better things instead of just in a plus or otherwise make them go on the street one of the things that I despise what is happening at children these days. I will tell you more about that one other day is that I do not like our children being put in a gang is a shelf or put it into a position where they have to do. Drugs are a god knows what.   When I realize that the dream with me helping other kids similar to me that I needed a break future, that’s what helped me see that I can actually help people with that. I don’t know if this makes any sense but that’s what I think if I could’ve been able to if my mother and put me on disability, I would’ve been able to do easily without any hassle.

But my mother had to put me on disability because she did not like my social skills when I was a young kid, because I would rather just be with myself and talk, or do whatever I want to do with myself like reading, writing, or otherwise artwork. That always drove her nuts. I remember her that in the dream that paid off and that I was able to have a great life that I wanted and then she was was the one that was put on disability instead of me it was an alternative version of my life if you were to say it that way, I don’t know how to explain it too far, but it was a fascinating dream. Sometimes I have dreams where I go in the alternate universe is, or I have an Astral Projection or otherwise there will be more of those stories or one I have past lives flashbacks . Sometimes I have dreams where I go, and I have alternate universe is, or I have a astral projection or otherwise there will be more of those stories or one I have past lives flashbacks, which are very interesting on the last watching do not need to be misconstrued with PTSD flashbacks.

Pastlife flashback is one you end up having a dream or a memory kind of like a PTSD nightmare of PTSD flashbacks from the status of a another life long ago that you don’t know what you’ve had until you realize that you get reincarnated into the body that you have now is kind of very interesting. And I would talk more in depth about that later on. Should I have another Past life flashback the latest past life, flashback water, and me being a ninja, and I would remember that was in the Tokugawa error, or the early stages of the Tokugawa era. I always was interested and mad, but then again, I was also interested in counter t, which I’ll tell you that’s what ninjas used to do in the Tokugawa era. Actually, they were the ones that invented counterterrorism and invented the idea of everything about it even though it was such a long time ago. That’s why I guess I wanted to be an FBI agent when I was a kid,  and had a dream I had in the first place last night other than I needed the sleeves like a son of a gun.

That would be about the size of the dream I had last night and the fact that I wanted to be an FBI agent, which was also originated from a powerful dream like there’s actually. Which was very interesting to note that the powerful thing about dreams is that they can be manifested in the reality.

Half a demon half a demon onword

 

Tw: blood,( mild) gore (mild)

Turn on it I had a real doozy of a nightmare that I would rather try to forget a kind of memory. I’d like to forget. This part was not the ideal thing to do before dinner or dad wants to have a large Tim Hortons ice cap. Something that would’ve been the death of me this morning as I woke up screaming from a nightmare. There’s a nightmare nevermore was god awful is consisted of first. I think it was a sleep deprivation dream that I’ve had. I don’t think I’ve had since I was about 12 or 13 years old when I first started having PTSD and it was Al rancho bad, but this is what it was there anyways the demon was there is only half demon and it was the top half of the demon with unfortunately the head and the arms crying at me from beneath my bad I know that sounds fucking childish but that’s what it was. What is half of a demon; similar to Smigel, was going around under my bed, clawing at me trying to get at me. He had a lotta blood and it looked like he lost a lot of blood if you were a human. That’s the only detail I can see about that you soon was able to jump out of the space between my bed in the floor, and soon the demon was able to go after me, and was crying at my eyes.

I had to be said my encounter with a Cryptid was brief because I woke up screaming. After that the only time I ever woke up, screaming after that kind of a dream that was so goddamn realistic, and I was fighting back was the idea that there was some kind of enemy combatant in my house trying to blow it off. With me and my parents are in and when I was a 13 years old and that was my first time seeing a psychiatrist and I had to tell her I saw the damn nightmare and it was so goddamn real now this is the exact same thing, but without the enemy combatant.

Why do I have these goddamn nightmares when I’m trying to have a sleep is beyond me but anyways, this is getting very triggering to me that the Smigel like half demon was chasing after me around the room and shit like that was kind of disturbing to me. I actually for the first time in 23 years or 22 years screamed while waking up. And I said up when I woke up, it was god-awful, and I never wanna go through that again so that being said the real demon in the story or enemy combatant in the story is Tim Hortons I am not drinking their shit for a long time because I find that this happens too much for me to deal with when I go to sleep and I end up dealing with a really bad nightmare is on biblical proportions.   This is literally be your own stupidity on my part to go and get the ice cap and what more to have to add to the situation that I didn’t know was going to happen was the fact that I was having a pumpkin spice iced Capp. I don’t usually want to say that I had a nice cop and had a real bitch of a nightmare, but in this case, this was the case. This half Smigel was god-awful, and I never want to see him again or her. I was pretty sure it was at her because she had the chess balls. 

That being said, I’d rather not have these nightmares again, so I’m just gonna stay away from anything that is not a homemade mocha that I know is free of any psychedelics or anything like that that make me stay up all night and scream like a bitch in the middle of the night I am just glad that no one came running downstairs to investigate the whole situation. How was I going to tell my friend that I had a realistic nightmare a super realism nightmare that was beyond surrealism and I never want to see this again kind of thing I don’t wanna act like a child so I had a fucking nightmare, but then there’s cases I can’t describe the fucking demon because I know this is going to end up getting caught by TOS and I’d rather not bother having a notification saying we removed your blog because of this one demonic nightmare I had. And once for all, I found that every time I wake up from these god-awful nightmares, realistic or not it’s 3 o’clock in the morning the witching hour how God awful does it have to get for you to go about your day I don’t know what’s going on here but it’s kind of fucked up and I tried to do my own blog post and only ended up with Jack shit because during the words in our the Internet does not work either. This is not my favourite thing to say but I had a real bad bad bad nightmare.

And once more, I wanted to scream again when I was trying to make this damn entry because I was like I just wanna get this off my chest. And it wouldn’t let me do anything so that wasn’t exactly my ideal morning. I’m gonna have to start sleeping in a little more or forget the coffee. I don’t know what spawn the demon I think it was the psychedelics the addictive and Tim Hortons coffee or it’s the fucking pumpkin spice. Either way I’m not having this shit happen again. I don’t want to ever say that someone drugs people so they can come back to make money because if that were the case……….. you see this is getting ugly or not ugly or as it goes just by trying to say that this is going on in the first place and I rather not talk about this anymore instead, I’d rather just forget that this happened but I have to face well, my demons, especially the one that was staring at me from under the bed and lunging for me poured. With her God knows what (gore) hanging out. 

What is this a hell they are never wanna see you again either way it was a hell spawn, that would be the only option for that. I’m just hoping that tomorrow night I would have a better nights sleep and not have to deal with hell spawns, or anything for that matter or say 10 or anything for that matter this is kind of disturbing. I know this is Halloween, but come off the pot. 

I just wanna have a good night sleep so that’s all I’m gonna say.

Why flight attendants

  I don't know about vampires, but I know there are demonic forces out there and demons. I'm not trying to be more of it or anything but I do remember having a dream where I am really certain I have seen Satan in the form of a flight attendant. I don't know why a flight attendant she was wearing all black, and she look like she was going to go after me. She had that look energizer only Lucifer would have. I was pretty certain if there was her there was a god somewhere, even though I try not to believe in God, or the devil or anything of that matter, I'm starting to wonder if this stuff is not fake, but actually real after seeing that flight attendant with fangs a vampire as a man is for sure, but is Lucifer really a vampire? Who is female I think so because that is the honest truth what I saw on my dream, and I am very certain I haven't seen certain. When I go to sleep at night, I find that I have more access to the spirit realm than anyone else, and that I'm able to see people like my mother, my father, who have died, or or have entered. The spirit realm like me through other means. I don't believe in doing drugs or alcohol to get into these trances or these visions, but I was very certain that I hadn't seen Lucifer he or she is real. That is one thing I will never tell anyone is that I am very certain that I had seen the devil, and it was in the form of a flight attendant who is wearing all black.

I remember the dream where I was going somewhere important, and there she was, and she was giving me the stink eye, the ultimate stink eye if you were to say, and then I was going to cause problems for me this flight attendant had a demonic look to work it was interesting guy. It was a complete package. She had this dark or around her and it wasn't her clothing. It was very honest that she was the actual devil her self. 

I believe like God, the devil is a female Lucifer is a female, as well as God who else would have such creative detailed capabilities as well as destructive capabilities, other than a female. It is just logical to think that we give birth, and we can kill at the same time it is very honest that this is what I think is going on in the cosmos is that the dark matter or dark energy is Lucifer and the matter and energy is God that created everything and if the two mixed together that they will explode in a nuclear explosion, that's what I believe. I remember watching something about antimatter and dark matter and dark energy, and matter and energy and how if a mango there could be an explosion it says if there is some kind of evil force with the antimatter, the antimatter being Lucifer doesn't have to be a guys name or a girls name. No it Hass to be just that a name but the entity I think was the female who was in the form of a flight attendant. You're wondering why I have something against flight attendants, I don't. But in this case this was one that was really horrible. She had this look that made a bin Laden and the Manson guy Charles Manson look like a saint together. It was kind of disturbing to see that look in a girl. Other than myself. I am the only one that can possess such a dirty look. But this was beyond a dirty look. This was nightmare, inducing, almost terrifying, and traumatic.

This kind of look is only very life-changing, and it isn't for the better. As I have seen hail before, but I've never seen the owner of hell. I have seen the realm of hell before and what it has done to people. But I have never seen anything of a vampire or a devil, but in this case I have now in the form of this flight attendant who is all in black and was going to lunch at me at some point. It was kind of disturbing for me to deal with at the time. I just try to tell myself it was just a dream, but it wasn't really a dream. I can still remember the look on her face as if it was tattooed or seared into my mind.  

That being said, I never want to see this person again I have smelled her god-awful perfume ones in my room only to note that she had a presence in my room. I don't know who this flight attendant is, but I know this is Satan and Satan is a woman just like God is a woman in my opinion I know this will piss off people in the three great world religions, but that is not my circus not my monkeys instead, it is what it is I believe that with the creative and destructive power of both entities at the are both female, and that the evil one is winning more with the world is going on in the stupidity if I had seen her in my dream, and I am very convinced that I have seen the devil, Lucifer, her self it was kind of strange, but I'll tell you what she looked like facial wise:

She had blood dripping from her mouth. She had all kinds of disturbing veins all over her face, particularly around the outside of her face the side of her face dark rings around her eyes Street look at Macy aided she look like she was going to be attacking look like she had a very great speed and intelligence it was kind a very unusual to see this kind of thing. You don't see this every night in your dreams. This is real.  So boo on me for thinking that God the devil and Jesus we're not naturally occurring things.

But my question I ask, and this is something I pose very important is this question why are there flight attendants been demons on my goddamn dream I don’t know why, but that is beside the point it is very peculiar to deal with.   Does this have something to do with my PTSD? It is this just something that is what is stated by nature that the devil is a female flight attendant dress in black who looks completely evil and I don’t even want to look at her kind of thing like a medusa. Only she does not turning on the showing is that what it is. Because if it is, I don’t know what to think of this situation and I don’t know what to think about this Whole Fuck up except maybe that there is a devil out there as well as there is a God and there might be even a son of God. I’m not want to say that I am Christian Jewish or Muslim but I am who I am I do believe in a higher power. That being said, I do believe that there is a good and evil out there and a mix of a between. That being said , I can’t say which religion I am now, but I still say I would be shaman ism. That being said, I am still subscribing to shaman ism, but it is that I subscribe to the idea that there is something out there that is creating something and also destroying something in the first place whether it be one entity or two I believe there are two of them the devil and the God of God and Lucifer. A saint, nor whatever you wanna call it in God. That is what the shade of the universe is like if there is a golden eagle weigh in and yang and that’s what I think is going on. I don’t think this is a random dream out of my PTSD but instead of a dream that is a manifestation or version of what is truly naturally occurring I just in mind boggling up the whole idea of it all that this is a idea of a dream that states the fox say do you wanna call it prophetic or something that’s one thing but I know what I saw and I am very convinced that I saw Satan, and answer her and it’s saying 10 is a girl that I am pretty sure that God is two. I’m not wanna start praying but that is what it is areas what is comprised of the universe to go down the evil. That’s what I think about this whole shit show!

 At first, I thought before the stream ever came about the dream was nothing more, but then it was just a fact there’s something out there create the universe now I know who did it. And I know who is the antimatter and the daughter of energy and dark matter. That would be Satan and the good stuff being God if the two would collide, they would explode in a very vicious manner destroying the universe. I know that for a fact, because I read that somewhere many times, and heard that somewhere many times in astronomy shows too, so this is kind of frightening that there is a God and Satan. The fact that this is what it is stating the facts I would say this is a prophetic dream. I just hope I don’t ever have this kind of dream again where I am face-to-face with the devil herself! But why the fuck a flight attendant?!